More Gore

Mark Steyn's piece this morning, while rife with sarcasm, pointed me to a Vanity Fair article written last year by Yasser Arafat Al Gore (sorry, I get my Nobel Peace Prize winners mixed up sometimes) in which he said the following:

we have literally changed the relationship between the Earth and the Sun, altering the balance of energy between our planet and the rest of the universe

Wow! We are affecting the [booming echo effect on] Entire Universe! [booming echo effect off]

He also says:

Global warming, together with the cutting and burning of forests and the destruction of other critical habitats, is causing the loss of living species at a rate comparable to that of the extinction of dinosaurs 65 million years ago.

Mmmhmmm, and drinking water, together with smoking seven packs of cigarettes a day can give you lung cancer.

Notice that clever little trick there? It can be used for anything. Global Warming, together with drought and overpopulation and cultural and ethnic divisions in Darfur, caused civil war in that country.

Where else can we go with this? Global Warming, together with consuming far more calories than he burns off, has cause Al Gore to gain a lot of weight. This is easy. And it's kind of fun. Now I get it!

All you have to do is presuppose Global Warming (anthropogenic, of course, because we are the only part of the [booming echo effect on] Entire Universe! [booming echo effect off] that can throw it out of balance. Wait, did I just say we're a part of the Universe? Sorry. Envirolgionists seem to believe that balance can only be achieved when humans are taken out of the equation, thus rendering us specifically not a part of the Universe.

Serious digression there. As I was saying -- all you have to do is presuppose Anthropogenic Global Warming, and it, together with whatever is actually causing something... is causing that thing! Evidence galore! No wonder it's so overwhelming.

Global Warming, together with a massvie blizzard in the northeast, caused 20 foot snow drifts. Man! This is sooooo cool! I can tie this to anything I don't like!

Global Warming, together with pride, ruthlessness, and an insatiable thirst for power, caused Saddam Hussein to forcibly annex Kuwait.

Look, you can string these conclusions together, too, by supporting one with another:

No wonder Arafat won the peace prize. Yasser Arafat, together with Al Gore's Global Warming crusade, can put an end to war!